Time to say goodbye..
It's just another love story.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007,
9:14 PM
I've given up on love.
Where there's love, there's heartbreak. What for give myself a chance to get hurt once again?
Paid attention in class today. I've nothing left except school and friends. Though school life's meaningless to me, that's like one of the two aspects in my life I have left so no matter what, I can't give up on that. I don't know what I've been thinking. Just feel super exhausted mentally and emotionally. If I'm having mood swings these few days, kindly do not bear a grudge. There's just much that has been happening and my brain hasn't had the time to fully comprehend what took place. So please be understanding.
I'll always remember
Beverly, Kristin, Roujun and Vanessa for as long as I live. Thanks for being there whenever I needed you be it in the past, present or future. I know you 4 will never, ever leave me alone to fend for myself no matter what happens.<3
Came online just to edit my blog and friendster and now that I'm done, I shall attempt to revise on my work before I head to bed.
Living in this world is such a bother. I don't know why I'm just not dead yet. I need some one to talk to, some one to pour everything I've been feeling this week to. Mixed emotions, happy and sad in less than a minute. I hate this world.
Boy, I hate you for putting me through everything. I hate the tears that I've been shedding. I just hate every single little thing that has been happening.
Good night Planet Earth.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007,
8:17 PM
I do not know why I bother to come online any more. Life's kinda meaningless don't you think. I've been paying attention to my lessons and I don't see the reason for them at all. I don't see how Indices, Surds and Logarithms will help me in my future. I am not craving a career as a professional volley baller. I have not much reason to write bao zhang bao dao when I grow up either. See what I mean when there's no reason to study what I am studying now?
Slept during Maths lesson. Guess I'm drained mentally and emotionally. Had Chinese in 302 today and it was so hot? I think it's due to the fact that the ceiling's way higher than 306's and the fans are "shorter" in a sense. Went to Compass after school. Initially we were supposed to go to Starbucks but ended up at the library and at KFC instead. Amazingly, I'm gaining weight :D It's the only thing worth getting happy about. Though it totally contradicts the girls I know as they want to lose weight not the other way round.
没有人能替代你在我心上.因为当我爱上你的那一刻, 我发现到只有你能让我感觉什么是真正的爱<3School's meaningless to me already. Life's gonna become the same way. Until I find a real reason as to why I'm on this Earth, I see no reason why I should really care much about anything. My mood's becoming worse and worse. I just can't stop it and in a sense, I don't want to either. I want to stop obsessing over certain things but I just don't bother to stop. Oh my, I'm just a mentally retarded freak.
Oh ya, and at Compass Point, the guy in the Nokia shop on the 2nd floor near 77th Street is an idiot. I asked him about my handphone and all the answers he attempted to give me sucked big time. Must why don't even answer la. Crazy one. I was like rolling my eyes for the whole time I was in the shop? Though I don't know much about electronics, I know enough to understand that he was talking BULLSHIT all the while. Rah, wasted like 15 minutes of my whole life time listening to a bloody idiot talk cock. Lame~
Baby, I can't stop thinking about you.I think that some how, I'm really falling for you.
Toodles~
Monday, February 26, 2007,
12:23 PM
In computer lab noooooooooooooooow(: Supposed to research on fashion. Lol. Supeeeeeeer tired but surprisingly I didn't fall asleep during any lessons. I managed to chiong my maths and English homework during Maths lesson. Cool right :D But generally, nothing went into my head at all. South park was retarded. Mr Chan let us watched it during CME period.
I don't know what to think about any more. In short, I've decided not to do anything about the matter at hand. Instead, I'll choose to be ignorant and take it as though nothing has happened. Thanks Beverly, Kristin and Roujun<3
More when I get back.
Toodles~
Sunday, February 25, 2007,
7:17 PM
230207I'm not used to the trainings anymore. Been becoming too lazy already luh. After GB headed home for steamboat cum barbecue at home. After that went to Monfort Mac area to find HAJ and gang. They were going to throw eggs? After that went to Sengkang. They threw, we went star gazing. Cabbed to his house and took bus from there home.
240207Woke up at 6.30 and went to Hougang Mac for breakfast with the GB girls. Went to school after that for training until 12.30. Supposed to end at 12 lorh :X Chiong home afterwards as Kristin and Roujun were already on the way there. Surprisingly I reached there earlier than them by like 5 minutes? They reached when I was bathing so we waited for HAJ to arrive then headed to Bedok and waited for F apple M orange. Then all of us went to Beverly's house to bai nian. Heh. Home around 6. Went to dinner with family and I was like falling asleep right there. I had Orange Juice! Ate and ate and ate. I felt so fat and bloated. Learnt how to make a rose. Home at 12. Super duper uber tired.
250207Went to bai nian again today. Home after that and have been playing neopets. Lol, it's a fun game you know :) Addicted to it already. Oh ya, thanks mummie
(not my real one of course) for hearing me out today. The talk we had helped me a lot. (: Oh ya, I'm addicted to HanaKimi already luh. Been watching it for the whole afternoon.
No matter what, I shouldn't get angry. You're the one that have gone closest to my heart. But I realize that I don't know you at all. I don't understand what you're thinking about. I don't understand what I'm thinking about. I shouldn't care about anything about my studies this year. Friends are important too. But not love. That should be the last thing on my mind.
Off to get ready for school. Chiong homework tomorrow. I'm dead beat.
Toodles~
,
10:37 AM
我真的真的看错你了
It sucks when some one you know turns out to be some one you don't know.
It sucks when some one betrays your trust.
It sucks when some one hurts you the same way others did.
It sucks when some one you thought you could trust actually isn't some one you can trust.
It sucks when some one makes you cry.
&
It sucks the most when some one I thought I liked did all of the above.All of them are just the same. I see no difference. Really no difference at all. I wonder why I even gave him a chance.
Good bye everyone on this fucked up Earth.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007,
11:14 PM
Continuation from the previous post, so sorry but forgot to add on some things.
I'm going to break down soon. I know I'm over reacting and that I'm being over sensitive and all that but hell, it's been ages since I last felt the way I do now. Feel like screaming and shouting at some one, drinking all the alcohol there is to drink, go to the beach and swim out to the sea till I drown, cry and cry until I fill an ocean with my tears, just everything negative there is to do.
Oh, I won't scold profanities any more. Good girls don't scold bad words. I shall try not to think so much already. Off to bed I'll go now and I'll cry everything out to my pillow. Thanks blanket for being there every time I need to hide away from this world.
Sorry Beverly, I know I've been a lousy orange these days. I promise I'll be better by Saturday.
Off to let those tears drip:)
,
10:25 PM
I don't know what to do anymore.
Felt tired for the whole day. Couldn't really stay awake during lessons. And yes, History lesson sucked like hell. Please, who does she think she is? Shout shout shout. Did she even stop to think for a second why our class's attitude is so fucking bad towards her in the first place? Stupid idiot, what testing you? If we wanted to "test" you, we would have done so long ago. Don't need wait until now right? Noob~ GB ended early today and I went with the rest to the fun fair. I didn't dare to sit on any of the rides. Apple and I sat on the Ferris Wheel. Sad to say, I'm scared of heights. Lol.
I don't know what to think. Nor what to do right now. And if I say I do not want to care any more, I'll really mean it. I'm tired. I don't feel like caring about more than what's necessary. I just don't fucking care alright? Damn it. I feel damn frustrated and fucked up. I really need a strong drink to keep me from going mad.Yiwei; It's boDOH not bodo. Lol.
Beverly; I know! But I don't wanna bother you everything D:
Leegek; Cute right! Especially Tigger ;D
Vanessa; Thanks, I'll always remember that<3
God, why is this world just so screwed.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007,
10:36 PM
There's just so much that time cannot erase.
I don't give a fucking damn about any fucking thing on this world. Damn fucking moody for the whole afternoon already. And I don't fucking care if I stay moody for the rest of my life. I'm bored. I'm brain dead. I can't process anything in my head right now. Damn. Screw this world.
Don't piss me off right now, you damn bloody faggot.
,
8:39 AM
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开 (:
Continued from yesterday.CNY this year is like the worst one ever. The part with my family I mean. Went to reunion dinner and I couldn't stand the boredom. Imagine staying there with nothing to do for the next 3 hours or so. So brother and I bailed and had dad sent me home. Decided to meet HAJ and gang so I begged dad to allow me and surprisingly, he did :D Went home, placed stuff in my room, got my card and off I went. Met up at one of the blocks near Yuying Sec. Weird place to meet right? After that they went to the arcade then off to town we went. Was too late to catch a movie 'cause I had to be home around 12 plus 1. So went to Parklane instead and the pooled. Was super tired the whole night. Dad came to pick me up afterwards at 1.
Woke up at around 7 thanks to apple's message. I don't understand how can he barely sleep for the whole night and still be so energetic so early in the morning. I was half dead. Lay in bed until I felt bored then came downstairs only to find everyone still asleep. Changed then went to auntie's house for lunch. Cousins at my house now. Thank god they aren't disturbing me :)
Just some random pictures :)

See, the red packets so cute la! Especially tigger :D

I finally got to drink Orange juice [:


Yay for Cousins!
That's just about all. Heehee, wait. Put one more zi lian zhao :P

There, done :D
Zhaozhi; Haha, didn't really bother to dress up mah :X
(V); Patrick star! I'm not working at Yoshinoya luh. Rahhh.
Mrs Mingdao; Haha, how are you and your darling lao gong now? Hee :)
< / 3; Ehh, you are? And erm, who are you refering to? :/
I'm off to slack around.
Toodles~
Monday, February 19, 2007,
4:19 PM
Lazy day today! Woke up at 11. Read storybook and ate lunch until around 1. Went to take a nap until 4. Don't know why I'm so tired. Must be all that HAJ's fault! Last night called me at 12 plus then talk until nearly 3 :D Heehee, just kidding (: I guess I'm glad I came clean with him and told him everything that happened yesterday.
Why is it that the things I do is practically the same as what she did. I don't want to be a shadow of her in your life. I'm me and I hope you know that. No matter what I do, I'm not and I'll never be her. Oh well, later going for reunion dinner.
Many questions do not need explanations to them. One example is when you fall in love. There's absolutely no reason why you like a guy. 'Cause if there is, that isn't called real feelings.
& yes, before I almost forget.
EEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I'm utterly disgusted! Pui, pui, PUI! OMG LUH! Apple, I'm so horrified to learn that luh :X
Okay, I'll leave my dear readers to guess what I've learnt. Those that want to know, feel free to ask me (:
Toodles~
Sunday, February 18, 2007,
10:12 PM
Some how, I just don't want to care any more.
Happy CNY everyone! Thank you for wishing me via MSN or SMS, and pardon me for not replying but I was kinda lazy to=x So I shall thank everyone here. THANK YOU AND HAPPY CNY TO YOU TOO. There, I feel better now ;D Okay I guess, waked up at 10? Finished bai nian-ing at around 1 I think.
It's depressing. I don't want to give myself another chance to get hurt. I don't want to make the same mistake I made so many times before. I just don't want to. Beverly; Lol, he'll be HAJ for the time being. Or even SHAJ, heh(:
Kristin; Precisely! Generation gap much? Haha ;D
Anqi; I'll link you soon[:
Clament; Alaf luh you.
Time for bed soon. Goodbye Earth.
Saturday, February 17, 2007,
10:30 PM
Who said CNY was a good day?
Just came back from reunion dinner and I'm so damn fucked up. Mum, Auntie and grandma said I was being disrespectful by wearing too "revealing" for dinner. Hello? This is the 21st century you know. Spaghetti straps aren't "revealing". Damn you. Say what if I dress like this tomorrow must why don't come. Mum, don't forget something. You were the one who bought me all my clothing. If you disapprove of them, what for even buy? I know I'm supposed to be respectful towards adults and everything but please, she's just goddamn contradicting herself. Like that I have nothing "conservative" to wear for CNY already la. All my "conservative" clothing are black for crying out loud. Darn, don't need to bai nian already la.
Thanks so much elderly people for spoiling my festive mood. What the fuck la. Irritating people. Look at this.

Though it's taken some time back, it's still the same top and I'm still of the same size. Is it even revealing? Please la, check your eye sight can. It's
not revealing. Rahhhh, spoil my mood DDDDD:
Okay okay, Haj asked me to cheer up and I will. After all, I love my fellow fruitlings.<3
Oh ya, since I'm an orange, CNY's my festival. Know why? 'Cause people give out mandarin oranges during these period for good luck and stuff. So, its the holiday when I'm really popular!
Leegek; haha, i agree! Happy early CNY to you too(:
Jasmine; Happy ealry Lunar new year to you too :D
Beverly & HAJ; Nah, Vikki's my neighbour's dog's name. Heh, and 143 means I love you. ;D Love fruitings<3

See how many oranges! I feel so loved(:

More FEMALE oranges, more luck ;DDD

I'll always be happy if you'll always be beside me.

DDDDD:

See, I was so tired that I fell asleep! Rahhhh )x
,
10:44 AM
I <3 my fruity family.
CNY celebrations in school sucked. Fruitlings all never go so I was left alone suffering in the parade square for like 3 hours? 30 mins of performance then 2 hours of cosplay. C'mon luh, it sucked can? Make us sit there until butts want to rot le. And some more what's so nice about it? Some (like less than 5) were nice but the rest are just like s***. Sorry, people, but seriously, I was bored. I even managed to doze off la. These few days I've been feeling super tired. Hang over from party? LOL. Can't be so long right(: After that waited for fellow fruitlings to come to school. They were supposed to be waiting for me but I ended up waiting for them. After that went to PS again. They teased me 'cause my long socks again. Since I was wearing green, they said I worked at Sakae Sushi this time. But toooo bad, the uniforms' changed to red now (I think?). Female Orange and I bought Apple&Orange juice and it tasted terrific. This just shows that apples and oranges mix well together<3
Then we watched Ghost Rider. Fruitlings behind, the rest in front ;D It was quite okay I guess, but special 'cause we were all there(: Though it is called "ghost" rider, there weren't any ghosts la. So gao xiao. Me and HAJ were laughing through the movie 'cause of some people who were in front of us :X After movie we all headed to Parklane. Saw many apples on the way there. Reached there and I wanted to sleep already. Was so drained of all my energy. Then after billard, the pool there was full so they went to piece the puzzle. Both apples sat outside the toilet there with me cause I couldn't take the smell of smoke:/ So I alaf-ed by pressing the tap and then running away. I didn't know that the tap would spray so strongly la. Xia dao mah. Then we just sat there and chatted until they went to play pool and I sat there and dozed. Haha (: I'm becoming really lazy. After that some things happened and we split up. Male Orange and Female Apple went off to Paragon and the rest of us walked to Dhoby Ghaut station. After Male Orange came back, they headed over to Kovan or Hougang and HAJ sent me home(: Supposed to go straight back but ended up at the playground talking. Vikki was cute la. Kept on digging and digging then stopped. After that started all over again. Around 10 then I managed to pull him up and then went home. Fell asleep after clearing up dinner.
Beverly; Of couse, fruits make me happy. Especially apples and oranges(:
Leegek; Haha! Of course. Been seeing you like more than twice everyday in school? ;D
James; Linked.
Ly; Happy belated V Day to you and an early Happy CNY :)
Thursday, February 15, 2007,
8:53 PM
Valentine's Day.
is the best ;DDDDDDDDDDD
I don't know if it was due to the people I spent it with or the gifts that I received but it's really the most memorable day of my life (: Reached school and everyone around me had gifts and flowers. Firstly, I received a gift from my angel:D Then a
purple rose from Kristin! Oh it was so pretty! After that a
bouquet of flowers and chocolates from 2 people whom I shall not name. But thank you so much, I loved them. Cried 'cause of the gifts, but was okay very quickly(: After GB went to meet Beverly and all at PS. They waited for me for like 1 hour? I felt so bad luh :X Headed to Parklane while they played Billard and Pool and I sat there. Haha, no interest in such games :/ Then went home after wards and HAJ sent me home and gave me his gifts. Firstly,
the roses were really meaningful. Secondly, the
Tigger was super duper uber cute! And lastly to HAJ, thanks for everything(:
Though Valentine's day meant something special to me 'cause of you, I'm glad that you did not fill my thoughts totally last night. 10th March is all that I'm waiting for. Then, I'll really wash my hands off everything that has to do with you. 1 year is long enough for me to hang on. 23 more days, that's all. I can wait.I missed the Volleyball match DDDDDDDDDD: But CIP was okay I guess. We made TangYuans! Haha, the kids were cute when they attempted to make them. We got to bring some home and I'm giving them to HAJ(: He requested it after all. Date with both apples, and all tomorrow. Lol, now I'm orange a.k.a High socks Japanese school girl a.k.a Yoshinoya worker. All thanks to the orange coloured GB shirt I wore on V day. V day 2007 is the best!
难以忘记初次见
你一双迷人的眼睛
在我脑海里
你的身影 挥散不去
握你的双手感觉你的温柔
真的有点透不过气
你的天真 我想珍惜
wo~
看到你伤心我会失意
只怕我自己会爱上你不敢让自己靠的太近
怕我没什么能够给你爱你也需要很大的勇气
只怕我自己会爱上你
也许有天会情不自禁
想念只让自己苦了自己
爱上你是我情非得已
什么原因
我竟然又会遇见你
我真的真的不愿意就这样陷入爱的陷阱
Nice song, old but still very nice right! Thanks Valerie for telling me the title.
Fruitlings forever and ever and ever! 2 apples, 2 oranges!Leegek; haha, wo men hao you yuan fen! Happy belated V day!
Steph; Yes mam? LOL.
Meihao&Claris; Happy belated V day!
Beverly; Fruitlings forever<3
Wednesday, February 14, 2007,
12:00 AM
Oh well, so much for the perfec V Day.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY everyone.
Just felt like blogging though I don't know what to. I realized that my English standards are dropping drastically and all my grades are dropping. Which means I have to head to the books already. No more late nights and sleeping during lesson time already. I better buck up real fast or I'll lose my stamina. Anyway, V day is not only for couples. It's for friends and family too! So I'll spend it with my classmates in class, GB girls during GB and whoever is accompanying me after GB. HEH. Such a fulfilling day indeed ;D
Alright, I shall go to sleep already 'cause it's late and I don't wanna faint during GB. Water games okay! Treasure Hunt too. HOHO(: Such fun. Tata!
Goodnight Earth.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007,
9:32 PM
That's just so sad.
First things first.
Happy Belated Birthday Beverly.Happy 1-yearx33and
Happy Early Valentine's Day.Well, what else is there?
Lazy to blog. Lazy to care.
Argh, just lazy to do everything luh.
V Day's tomorrow, what should I do?
Sunday, February 11, 2007,
10:51 PM
I know I'm not perfect.

Joanne; And you're my new girlfriend! Lol. I;m nice too you know;D
Meihao; Lol, don't be lame laaaaa. Go out sooon(:
Zhaozhi and Celina; Okay! He owes us for not teaching us this year right! SO he
has to help us.
School's tomorrow and I don't want to go. Attire's gotta be in tip-top condition. I haven't studied or even cracked open a book this weekend. I just wanna party some more like we did last night. Aww. Time passed supar quick and I want it back. Oh well,I'll go iron my clothes and then head to bed. *Yawn*, despite the many hours I spent sleeping today, I'm still tired. Well,
Goodbye Earth.
,
12:31 PM
Girls just wanna have fun.
Woah. Craziest party last night at Beverly's house. I made a new friend and she's nice(: Okay, to summarize the whole craziness, all the girls drank and got drunk except Joanne and me. I was just seh and more awake then the rest. It was hell looking after them. LOL. But it's a nice experience though some what mood-dampening. But hell, that's the price you pay when you drink.
Camp was okay. Sec 2s have improved tremendously as compared to last year. Yay! And some of the sec 1s were better than I thought they will be. Which is gooooooooood(: Okay. Done. Finished posting. Now I need to go back to sleep and rest my poor spinning head due to alcohol.
Goodbye Earth and its inhabitants.
Friday, February 09, 2007,
2:18 PM
Camp blueeeeees.
Camp's finally here and I've just finished packing. Had some free time so came to update my blog. Meeting Angeline at 4.15 so I haven't much time left actually.
Today was so much more peaceful compared to yesterday. A maths test sucked. I know I'm so gonna fail it. Nothing much happened today actually. Anyway yesterday night talked to Beverly. I so needed a listening ear and she was there. Thanks~ It's been awfully long since we last talked that long already. And I'll be seeing her for her birthday party! I so can't wait. Vanessa and Roujun will be there! Too bad Mingting won't be going D: But we'll have fun all the same. I wanna drink :X I know you'll all let me. I so need to catch up with you girls already. Okay, reply tags and I'll go.
Cesca; I'm no retard luh. Relinked.
Meihao; I'm free on Sundays. Want go out then? Heh<3
Beverly; Yeah! So we'll drink on your partaye okay? 171105<3
Vera; You bet I do. I'll buy for you soooon. What flavour? ;D
Fiona; Banana SPLIT! She's going to camp later. Want to join us? xP
I know you will all miss me a lot. Fret not, I'll be back on Saturday. Till then.
MISS and
THINK of
ME!
Goodbye Earth.
Thursday, February 08, 2007,
8:49 PM
Once a bloddy faggot, forever a bloody faggot.
Yesterday.
GB was alright I guess. Camp proposal changed a lot due to unavailable slots and stuff like that. Hope that it'll be as fun as I hoped it will be (: Optimistic yeah? Did a bit of drills with the Sec 3s after GB and headed to Angmoh to check out the prices of the goods with them. Ate noodles at the playground then headed home afterwards.
Today.
Left class before HMT and went to the swing to sit with Vera and Marcus. After that due to the 'hotness' of the sun, we moved to the shade there and started talking to Mr Chan. He's nice you know. I think he bought lollies for our class. YAY! Mr Chan, you're not bad (that's a compliment okay!) :D Then went to eat Mac with Rj at Hougang point and went back to school to watch the match. Ended up found out had CIP then chiong to His Connection.
Argh, I know I said I'll be positive and optimistic but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, there. I've vented out my frustration and I won't make negative comments (: Yay. Feeling better already.
Act jiu shi act. Yong yuan du gai bu liao de. Dan wo wu suo wei. Yin wei bu shi wo ying gai guan de shi. ;D
Going to Bev's partaye on Sat after camp. Van and Rj will be there! Not staying over night though. But we'll chat till our heart's desire. Gossip gossip gossip!
Bloody, idiotic, irritating, bitchy, good for nothing, faggot.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007,
8:41 PM
Wanna be your lover, don't wanna be your friend.
PE today was fun, fun, FUN [: Played around with Jiayu, Gen, Vera, Joelle, Drey, Cesca, Valerie, Steph and Elaine. I went around in a super hyper mood and they all laughed at me. We were supposed to play Captain's ball but no body really had to mood to. So we played 老鹰抓小鸡 instead and it was fun! After that was Netball (We had no choice) and well, it was funny. Everyone kept screaming and I slacked around as usual. After all I can't possibly block Joelle right? Who ask them to make me the goal keeper. &%^#@$.
LMAO! POA was okay. I didn't sleep this lesson hor. Chem was okay. I passed the test! Yay(: Recess was spent with Valerie they all again. Much fun la! I think I have a knack for laughing and laughing. Maths was alright. I didn't sleep, did the questions Mr Foo asked us to do and I managed to complete half the homework given. Please congratulate me! I feel super 乖 today you know. Mum will be so proud of me if she knew [: Sneaked out before Chinese with Vera and went down to the canteen as usual. Sat at the swing and gossiped. Went back to class and gossiped some more. Actually not exactly gossiped luh. Just chatting ;D After school rj came to find me and we stayed in the canteen as usual. She played the piano and thanks to me, she's making progress. Yay!
We're on talking terms already. I hope things will just get better instead of the other way around. I swear cherish all of my friends. Now and forever.
Darling, I saw you many times in school again. What can I say? Tried not to look and it helped a lil bit I guess. I love you still<3GB tomorrow. Camp's coming and some how, this is the first camp I've ever looked forward to! Like so funny. Maybe cause I planned it and I know everyone will have fun. Especially the Sec 3s who planned it with me to. Majority of the proposal wasn't mine anyway. It was the hard work my fellow buddies did. I love you all to bits and pieces. No matter what happened in the past and what will happen in the future, I'll love you 6 forever.
'Let's forget the negatives.' (Taken from nahna and Weewee's blog.) I wanna live by that already. Only positive thoughts and actions from now on! Thank you for changing my mindset and my character and everything. I'll become an even better person than I was yesterday and the day before. 'Cause I know that's what my friends and family members want me to do. Thanks mum for your sweet honey every night<3 Don't think you'll see it but still! There's much to be thankful for and I'll thank my lucky stars every night. Especially for bringing darling into my life! Heh. I love every one! I'm gonna be the cheerful and bubbly girl Beverly once knew; The junior my seniors once knew; The fun-loving and optimistic girl Huimin, Peiling and Cesca knew; The one girl everybody used to know. I'll change! For I love you all too much to let you all go.
Everything comes in a circle. If I'm nice, I believe people will be nice to me too. And maybe, you'll be nice to me too. HEEHEE :DDDDDDDD
Yiwei; HI (:
Leegek; Ya la! lol, guess we're fated hor! heh [:
Vera; We'll play again next PE alright!
Okay, back to studies. I want to ace my tests!
Goodbye Earth.
Monday, February 05, 2007,
10:45 PM
I don't want to let go of the memories.
For they are so much a part of me.
Had a crazy day today. Chiong English homework during Maths lesson. Mr Chan gave us chocolates today. Lovely rum and raisins. Thank you so much. I've decided. He isn't so bad after all ;D Literature was a mad frenzy of trying to answer all the questions. I just hope I'll do well this time. I can't afford to score low for another test. But seriously, what has Lit got to do with what I'm planning to do in the future? I see no link. Recess was a blur of laughter with Valerie and Celina in the library. Couldn't stop acting like a fool with them. Haven't laughed that much since last month? English was all about the Dyaks and their appearance. Don't really care much. Career choices during assembly. Wee wee wants to make toilet bowls and Shawn wants to become a chef. I want to get into hotel management though. No idea if it will be fun. SS was a bore and as usual, those VBall guys came back. Shouted "shuai ge" and the same guy fell for it. C'mon, he isn't even good looking for crying out loud. Chinese was boring. Went to find Beverly and RJ after school. Bev headed home and we went back to school. Stayed till 5 and went home afterwards. Nice sms chat with bev and then thought a lot about things. I want to go to her birthday celebration! It'll be a mad rush after camp but I only have to persuade mum to allow me. Good luck to bev with her email!
I hope that we'll be back to normal soon (: Till then, I'll keep my fingers crossed.Hell, I missed you like crazy today boy. Seeing you 3 times in school so didn't help.
Roujun; I love my superdarling too. Remember gossip and shopu partner!
Beverly; I'll try to make it on the 10th. Wanna drink with you, you see<3
Vanessa; How could I ever forget you my dearest! Date with you and Bev veryaye soon I promise!<3
Leegek; Thanks, I'll try to smile more alright? (:
Supposed to be studying Lit so I'll go back to the notes.
Good night Earth.
,
9:00 PM
我会爱你一身一世, 永远不变.
One message, one conversation, one moment, one day, one love, all for eternity.I haven't been a really good friend lately and I'll try to pick myself up and be there for whoever needs me. Be as cheerful as I once was. Be the person whom people could count on no matter what.
It started with just a simple "hi". Yet it grew to something so huge that no one could control. It took me a year to realize what it was; A month to know that you were the only one I wanted; A day to realize that I'll never forget you; A moment to recognize that you mean the world to me; A second to comprehend that I will probably always love you until the day I die. By now, you may not even acknowledge my existence any more. I thought you should know that I haven't been waiting for you all these while. Instead, I've just been loving you deep in my heart. No matter how much I do not want to accept that fact, it's just it and nothing I say or do will change it.
One day out of boredom, you instant messaged me, telling me that you were bored and had nothing to do, thus the reason why you IMed me. I remember laughing it off, chiding you for only talking to me when you were bored. Then, you were my best friend's boy friend and so I didn't think much of the conversation. Neither did I take it seriously. Little did I know that it would actually change my life, forever. You requested me for write a monial for you. After much persuading, I finally did and it was then did our "Chemical X" and "Solution Y" started. You told me that I seemed fierce to you, therefore you never dared to strike up a conversation with me and I started arguing with you about the fact that I wasn't fierce at all. Slowly, 1000 word monials started flooding out friendster accounts and our friendship advanced on steadily. Until there came a day when we started losing contact. The reason was unknown. We were probably just too busy and did not have much time to spend with each other as friends due to our boy/girl friends.
Until one day when mine broke up with me. I had no one to turn to until I remembered you. You comforted me like I was your little sister. Maybe it started with the first message I sent you that night, a spark between us was ignited and I started confiding in you as though we've known each other for years. We grew closer and closer until she started suspecting that there was something between us, that we were more than mere sister and brother. She was wrong then, or so I thought. I convinced myself that you were no more than my trustworthy brother, the person whom I could tell my deepest and darkest secrets to. Often during out nightly conversations, I would break down and tell you something I had never told any other soul. You were my soul mate back then. Until one day, convinced that we were secretly together or something, she forced you to stop contacting me. The very first sign that I probably recognize that I was falling hard for you was when I broke down on the spot and couldn't stop sobbing into the phone. It never occurred to me back then that you were merely my brother yet I was crying as though you were my boy friend and that I could not lose you. The truth was not far away. i could not afford to lose you, my soul mate. The one whom I have been with as a sister for just a month or so only. I never knew that at that very moment, I had already fallen head over heels in love with you.
In less than two weeks later, she broke up with you. Reason being that there were simply too many rumours circulating in school that we were together and that you were cheating on her. I told her she was a fool to believe in them and that you loved her still. I think what I said had an effect on her. Less than one week later, the both of you patched. I was happy, yet couldn't stop the tears from falling. Many people in school judged me from then on. I could not stop all the rumours so I had to bear with it. In the end, you broke up with her as you felt that you had no feelings for her. Again, I had mixed feelings. Happiness that you weren't with her anymore. But sad whenever I saw tears drop from her eyes. That was the final break up. One night, the 12th of Feb, we were talking on the phone and I had a feeling that something was extraordinary was going to happen that night. Call it a intuition but that was what I felt. Out of the blue, you suddenly asked me to tell you when it was 1159. The funny thing was that at 1158, my phone suddenly disconnected and it was 1159 when I was finally able to connect through again. You were kind of mad at me or my phone rather and it was when I asked you what was up when you asked that question. "Do you want to be my stead?" I was shocked and was stunned for a few seconds. I managed to utter a "Whaaat!" and you repeated the question. Urging my for my reply, I stammered a "Yes" into the phone. And it was 0000 on the 13 of Feb. I'll never forget that conversation for the rest of my life.
Days passed and we "sneakily" met outside school after lessons were over. Valentine's day was that year was the best I ever had. I went over to AMK to meet you after Shatec. We spent as long as I could outside before you sent me home. I never wanted that night to end. I wanted time to stop there when you held me in your arms. Days passed, dates ended. I guess many people saw us and the questioning I received from her ended our relationship the first time. We managed to get back together again but the very next day, I ended it again. That I regret deeply. I knew that I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and made assumptions. 这都是我的错. I tried to patch up with you but all my attempts were to no avail. It was getting harder and harder for us to maintain contact as you didn't reply more than half of my messages. Soon, we lost contact all together. I still remember crying myself to sleep every night for more than a month since we broke up. I just couldn't get myself up, couldn't muster then strength to pick up the broken pieces. I trusted you not to hurt me like so many others did. But even though you did, I couldn't being myself to hate you. Instead I tried to pretend that nothing happened. Focusing more on my friends than on myself. Resulting in foul tempers and nasty exchanges. But it was then that I realize that friendship was forever.
I told myself that if a miracle happened and you contacted me once again, I would never let the chance go again. Months passed and I slowly gave up hope until one day in June, you talked to me online. I couldn't believe it. You even asked me to call you to accompany you on the phone. At that moment, I really felt that dreams do come true. We maintained contact. Occasional arguments came our way, not to mention the disagreements. Gradually, other people became more important to you in your life than me. I stepped out of the picture, out of your life. But I'll never forget you.
I always thought what I had for you was just mere infatuation. However thinking about how long I've loved you, I don't think it was just "puppy love" as they call it. Many people have stepped in and out of my life since the last time you spoke to me. None of them serious enough to make me forget you. Up till now, its just 7 more days to what would have been out 1 year anniversary. I'll never be able to replace what you meant to me with someone else. It will just not be the same. A part of my heart will belong to you and only you. For now and forever.
When I fall in love, it will be forever.
Boy, I love you so<3
Sunday, February 04, 2007,
9:05 PM
Okay, so its about me.
I'm second class to everyone. Now, are you happy already? I'm tired and miserable. I'm just not good enough. I have no good bones in me and I suck big time. I'm just a useless freak which was sent to this Earth to waste its resources and make everyone unhappy. Happier now? I am just a moronic, senseless lunatic. I believe that you're at your happiest mood now right?
I don't know what to do or say any more. My fears are being confirmed already. I'm becoming who I was in the past. Something I tried hard not to let it happen. Maybe it isn't just me but everyone else's crooked perspective of me but I think not. It's just purely me, right? Me and all my faults. I can never please any one. Cause of my bitchiness, which I tried to control, my faults, which i tried to hide, my everything, which is never good enough. I'm tired of all these nonsense. We should stop being stubborn. I'm tired of being the one who always changes. No one is perfect. Why don't you listen to what I have to say and actually think about it instead of dismissing it as soon as I say it out. 'Cause if thats what you do, then what's the point of agreeing to talk things out? And if you don't bother at all, then why treat me as a friend or call me one at all? Say I'm changing to the OLD me? I think not. I believe that though I have flaws, my attitude's better than what it used to be. I do not want to have cold wars or blog wars with you for that matter, but I really hope you give me a chance to clear everything up and that you'll hear me out even if its for just this once.
I'm sorry for being such an idiot, trusting who I did and listening to who I listened to. I can't turn back time. The only thing I can do is look for a chance to redeem myself. Thank you to all those who heard me out and have been there for me.
Namely Audrey, Beverly, Celina, Jyrminn, Valerie, Vera. I love you all to pieces no matter what took place in the past. And I'll continue loving you all.
,
6:39 PM
It's not how many times you failed in love,
it's how many times you open your heart to love.
Love; A four letter word you can utter illogically but very difficult to explain logically.
Romance; The flavours of love.
Kiss; The moment when you realize science, logic and words are superfluous.
Longing; A chemical reaction of the heart called desire.
Heartbreak; The moment when the chemicals no longer bring about a reaction.
Marriage; The perfect union of 2 chemicals.
Affairs; Just disguised as love with a non fairytale ending.
Woke up with a giddy spell this morning. The whole world was spinning right in front of my eyes. Literally. Went to cut hair with mum and ended up stuck at the hair dresser's for 2 hours. Was freezing inside. There was nothing to do so I read through fashion magazines. This is actually the first time I paid attention to the clothes and accessories la. Lol, call me a noob but I didn't bother. Headed home after lunch and then attempted to study for my Maths and Lit test. Sian ½. Nothing went into my head at all so I decided to burn my boots and re-polish them. After that I went and did my proposal and now I just have to wait for the comments from the Sec 3s and it'll be completed. Camp's next week and I'll miss Beverly's birthday celebration D:
Yesterday.
Woke up at 6.30 to bathe and get ready. Dad sent me to Hougang mall to meet the rest of the Sec 3s for breakfast and discussion. Had 2 hours of training afterward at school and then more discussion in the canteen. Reached home and slept and slept and slept like a pig. From 4pm to 8pm. Then from 10pm to 10am. 16 hours can? So much for doing the proposal by Saturday night :/ Anyway I got to catch up on my lack of sleep. That's one good thing. Anyway I shall try to snap out of my brain deadness and go revise for my test.
I miss Vanessa, when is she going out with me D:
Meihao; MAY! Let's go out shopping again alright?
Beverly; Can we go out soon pretty please? I really need to pour out my troubles to you.
I don't know if I've lost you as a friend for good. But one thing I do know is that I would really want to find out why do you not treat me as a friend of yours. Sometimes I wonder what am I really to you. Am I just some one who sits beside you that's why you befriended me, or am I just
some one you've been playing all along. Am I being to sensitive? I know that you'll probably ignore this post or paragraph of mine. Or just never visit my blog to read this. But if you do, just answer one question of mine. "Who am I to you?" I'll always remember you as a friend of mine. One of the truest I could ever have. Quarrels are inevitable however I fear that this one may have permanently left its scar. Nevertheless, you'll mean something to me. Someone whom I could trust my secrets and sorrows to. Someone who will not let me down when I needed you to be there.
Sometimes, when a friendship seem to be heading to nowhere, I really feel like crying for I do not want to lose yet another.
Goodbye Earth.
Friday, February 02, 2007,
11:59 PM
Somday, I will understand.
Cause now I just don't.
Oh my God. My proposal was chosen luh. I was shocked. Camp OIC (: I hope this camp will be a huge success and everyone has a lot of fun. Movie screenings on the whole night, night walks and amazing trails, morning exercise with bread. However poor me. I've been doing th proposal since like 2100 until now? Its already 1 am. Ahhh. Meeting the rest of the Sec 3s tomorrow at Mac at 8 which means I'll have to wake up at 7am. I have less than 5 hours of sleep and its training tomorrow. I can die already. Oh yeah, musical drills was fun. Haven't been in the squad for months but I think I can still cope with it all. At least for now. Next week onwards will have GB 6 days a week. OH MY GOD! My social life. Lol, just kidding. Oh wow. I finally finished my proposal. Took me around 4 hours and it isn't complete yet. Awww man, I'm so looking forward to the breakfast tomorrow. I'm like starving now?
It feels good to let out the tears and cry out my frustrations.
Thank you Nicole, Shaowei, Audrey and Valerie(:
Beverly; You said it. If I call you at 3am, you better pick up :D
Vera; I didn't! Lol, why would I torture my xiao di?
Cesca; No you don't.
Li yan; Its frustrating right! It may not seem that a lot of people visit but when you hear that so and so has read your blog, you'll be like "waddahell"? =.=
I feel so tired and frustrated these days. I really feel like screaming and crying everyday. Imagine being brain dead during Maths lesson. Maths is a subject I cannot afford to sleep or slack in 'cause if I miss just one lesson, it'll be darn hard for me to catch up already. But being brain dead, I can't do anything about it. Not to mention the fact that I'm sleeping earlier than I usually use to and yet, I'm still so tired the next day. What the hell's going on with my body. And I have no idea why I'm so frustrated these days. There's hell a lot of things going on in my mind and I just cannot tell them to any one. 'Cause firstly, I don't know what they are. Secondly, even if I do know what, I have no one to tell them to. Its just so frustrating. One of these days I think I'll just burst. Till then, I'll keep myself in check. Not a single toe out of line.
Thursday.
Stayed back in school with RouJun to see the Skating. We wanted to see who fell flat on their butts. Mean right? I know but hardly anyone did. Or at least we didn't see them fall. Managed to talk to her about some stuff and well, haha. I missed those times when I went out with her and we gossiped like there was no tomorrow. Oh, those days were fabulous. Now, there's hardly time for much relaxation let alone time for gossip sessions. I can't wait for all the hectic GB activities to be over. Then I'll get some peace to pursue my dreams. Lmao O:
Ok, its late and I have to get up early tomorrow. See you all next time [:
Goodbye Earth.